Luminous
by TJTMaria
Summary: Two-shot. Set after S4. Merlin can't find the damnned four-leafed clover. Why did Gaius need stupid things like that, couldn't he just use an ordinary one? Either way, Merlin won't regret going on this hunt.


**Luminous**

"Do this Merlin, do that. Oh and while you're at it, do this too!" The dark haired man growls, storming through the forest. "I can't catch a break, can I?"

The sky is dark, only the stars and a half moon bringing the world below in to a dim light.

The warlock has been walking for what feels like days but in reality is only an hour or so.

"_What is wrong with you today, Merlin?" Arthur asked, frowning at his manservant who was making his bed._

"_Me? Nothing, I'm fine." The reply came out automatically, a habit that Merlin had forced himself in to so his secrets would be safe._

"_No you're not." The king stated simply. As oblivious as Arthur was, he could pick up on a few things. "You've been acting strange all day."_

_It was true. The warlock had been in a foul mood and had kept quiet. "I'm always strange."_

"_Okay, good point." Arthur nodded, "But as annoying as your endless chatter and on-going insults are, I must say that I have grown fond of it. Today you've been about as interesting as a stone wall."_

"_Thanks." Merlin replied, finishing the bed. "Will there be anything else, sire?"_

_For a moment, the blonde stared at the manservant, debating what to do. It was quickly gone as he replied, "No. You're dismissed for the evening."_

"_Thank you, Sire." Merlin nodded before making a bee line for the door._

"_And Merlin?"_

_He gritted his teeth, coming to a halt. "Yes, sire?"_

"_Two things. One, stop calling me Sire, it's weird. Two…" Arthur gave a small sigh, "Just get some rest and look after yourself."_

_Merlin gave him an appreciative nod before heading down to Gaius's chambers._

_He had spent the whole day performing endless and impossible duties because Arthur thought it would help. He didn't even know what the problem was and even if he did know, how would doing all those chores help?_

_He was exhausted. He just wanted to crawl in to bed and sleep for a month or two._

"_Oh, Merlin, you're back early. Good, I need you to go get some herbs for me." Gaius greeted, pulling out a list._

_Merlin glanced towards the window. "But it's getting dark…"_

"_Is that a problem?" Gaius frowned, obviously not bothered about it. "I'm sure you can always create some light if you need to. I would ask you to go tomorrow but I need them tonight and it can't wait for the morning."_

_Sighing, Merlin took the list and looked it over. "Not much." He noted, sarcastically._

"_You'll be fine." Gaius told him, "If you had been back earlier on then it wouldn't be so dark. Go on, chop, chop."_

That was how the warlock ended up searching through the forest in the dark hours of the night.

"Check." He says to himself, taking another look at the list after throwing another ingredient in to the bag. "What's next? A four leafed clover…he's joking, right?"

Sighing, he stuffs the paper in to his pocket and creates a little orb of light that floats just above the grass, helping him with the seemingly-impossible task.

Half an hour later found him on his stomach, looking through a patch of clovers.

"Ah-ha!" He mutters, smiling to himself as he reaches out and tugs on the small plant. His smile drops as soon as he realizes that his eyes merely deceived him. "Or not."

He sighs, throwing the ordinary clover on to the floor as his ball of light extinguishes, leaving him in the dark.

_This is impossible and stupid._ He thinks, resting against a tree trunk. _Why does he need a four leafed clover? What's wrong with an ordinary one? Couldn't I just magic another leaf on to it?_ He wrinkles his nose, annoyed with Gaius for sending him here. He would probably end up sleeping in tomorrow morning and get in trouble with Arthur. _Great._

His mind falls back to his King, his friend. Arthur had seemed rather concerned about Merlin yet the warlock had pushed him away, wanting to wallow in his grief that had consumed him the night previous.

_Merlin lay on his bed, curled in to a ball as the tears streamed down his face silently._

_It was his fault, all his fault. If he had just told her about his magic, if he had saved her before it was too late, if they could have found another way…_

_There was no point thinking 'if', not anymore. She was a long lost cause and it pained him that he caused that._

_He shouldn't have pushed her away, if only he – No. He needed to think of the future, he couldn't stay stuck in the past. He had to set everything in motion, get Arthur's destiny to be complete. Magic needed to be returned, Albion to be united._

_There was so many good things to look forward too._

_Yet, the past still had hold of his mind and heart. He still tried; he always tried to do the right thing._

_Sometimes, he did the wrong thing for the right reason though. Like poisoning her…_

_There could have been another way. It wasn't just the fact he poisoned her, it was the fact that he would have left her to be slaughtered – he did. In a way, he was relieved she had been spared, even if it was due to her being the vessel._

_And now, now she was evil. Well, maybe not 'evil'. She thought that what she was doing was the right thing and in a certain way, she was correct. For what she was fighting for (or had been before her sudden greed for the throne) was right, she was just coming about it in the wrong way._

_That didn't change anything though. She had darkness in her heart that had consumed her completely. There was hardly a spark of light left in there._

_She had been more beautiful than the stars and the moon in the night sky._

_He knew he had harboured a crush for her but nothing could of ever come of it – she only saw him in black and white, friend and foe. She was a lady of the court, Uther would have had his head – Arthur would have been right._

_The thoughts of Morgana ran round his head for the rest of the night, even invading his dreams as he slept._

Merlin shoves the thoughts to one side, reminding himself that he needs to get a move on with Gaius's impossible ingredients.

* * *

**Merlin and Morgana will meet up in the next chapter, so keep a look out. The next chapter will probably be longer and more interesting too. This is kind of a prologue, I guess.**


End file.
